Of Gods, Dragoons, & Lightning
by The Omni-Trinity
Summary: **Feb. 2017 Rewrite** The War of Animalia is over, and the land is ripe for the taking. One God will shape the new world, the other will construct it. Perhaps in a land so new and innocent, so fresh and uncorrupt, maybe anyone can truly be anything. A Zootopian Western. Slowburn WildeHopps.


**NOTICE PLEASE READ: New Rewrite for 2017! Please read story from the first chapter!**

 **Long story short, personal friend of mine who has no internet presence whatsoever read my outline and notes for this story threatened to strangle me if I didn't make some SERIOUS changes. Thankfully, I think I got away mostly unscathed, so hopefully the story is better overall!**

 **Zootopia is property of Disney. Story is rated "T" for viol/language/suggestive themes.**

The stars were out by the thousands up across the night sky when the God was about to have his head kicked in.

The five day journey from New Pork had been a grueling ordeal, and Nick Wilde was eager to escape his legal captors and spend the night fouling everything holy they taught in church on Sunday mornings.

The town, which Nick was too much in a hurry of to learn its name, served as a "way station" for the stage coaches and mineral wagons on the Coccyx trail leading down from the Animalian Mountain Range. Every day the ramshackle town of twenty buildings was alive with the flow of travelers taking in the scenery and local establishments. Everything from the blacksmith, gunsmith to even the shoemaker prospered with business.

Breaking free from his partners and the caravan they were hired to protect, Nick made tracks for the Glitsen Tail Hotel in the center of town. Where he hurriedly dumped his belongings in his booked room and made his way down to the saloon on the ground floor of the building. Where the festivities were already beginning to take shape as music was spun, laughter was shared, and booze consumed by the barrel full. Thus, Nick was rather enjoying himself throwing down cards, acquainting himself with the alluring ladies of the establishment, and doing his damned best in drinking every other mammal under the table.

The night had started out well….

But now he was spending it with _these_ lowlifes...

"Come on fellas, there is no need for this...is there?" the fox half whined, half teased.

Two of the four mammals facing him chuckled, the other two scowled. They caught him on his return trek from using the outhouse behind the Hotel after his twelfth beer mug finally caught up to him, typical behavior for such cowardly creatures.

Nick's eyes roamed over the gun toting group of a ram, jackal, chihuahua, and porcupine, taking in their clothing and posture. Disheveled fur, old food stains on greasy shirts, and the way they teetered on their paws meant they were probably just as drunk if not more so than he was.

"You took sixty zollars from me fox, I want it back." the ram grouched.

Nick shrugged. "But I won it fair and square, I can't help it if you're a bunch of bad card players..."

"You cheated!" screamed the porcupine.

Nick's eyes widened and he let out a snort of indignation. "Moi? Now why would I do that? Fellas of your caliber aren't even worth the effort..."

"And you took my hat!" was the jackal's response.

Now Nick finally smirked. Pulling out from his back pocket was a worn, soft fabric hat. The fabric was frayed, scratched, and smelled like wet canine fur.

"Just another share of my winnings" Nick said smugly, plopping the ragged item on the top of his head.

"I didn't even bet with it!" the jackal cried. "Give it back!"

Nick's smirk grew. With both paws he grabbed the brim of the hat and pulled it down, squashing his ears and making a cutesy face with wide puppy eyes.

"But it looks better on me than it does on you..." he whined pitifully.

Snarling, the jackal tried to pounce the fox but was stopped with a strong hoof to his chest from the ram.

"Think this is funny fox?!" the ram bellowed.

"Absolutely, one hundred percent." Nick quipped before throwing his head back with a laugh that was easily over the top.

Wrong move, Nick was so wrapped up in the moment he didn't notice the ram's quiet approach.

 ** _POW!_**

" _OOMMMPH!_!" the fox spat.

Nick's stomach somersaulted and convulsed when the ram's paw connected with it at high speed. Electric pain danced in Nick's vision as he dropped to his knees, the hat sliding off along the way. His ears twitched to the sound of drunken laughter as the four mammals watched Nick quickly empty the contents of his stomach onto the ground.

"Still laughing fox?!" said the ram with a sinister grin.

The ram delivered a strong kick into Nick's rib cage, knocking the queasy vulpine onto his side, prompting him to ball up into a fetal position to stave off any further blows. Squinting his eyes in pain, Nick could slightly make out the tiny form of the chihuahua scurry up close, grab the ugly hat, and skitter off again, snickering the entire time. The ram kicked Nick even harder.

"AAAHHH!" The fox cried.

"How about now?! You still laughing?!" the ram exclaimed, spittle flying from his mouth.

Despite his throbbing chest, Nick managed to look up at the ram with a devious smile, much to the ram's growing agitation.

"Maybe, but not as hard as that raccoon gal was after your _appointment_ with her…" Nick jabbed.

The ram's wool bristled. "Why you son of a biiilllllaaaaaaahhhh!"

The ram never finished his curse as Nick socked the fuzzy mammal straight in the stomach so hard he began to gag. Creating a noise so unsettling the jackal and porcupine reached for their guns. As quick as a whip Nick stood back on his feet, grabbed the back of the ram's head, and pulled the gasping mammal closer to himself till he was completely obscured by the ram's bulky frame.

All just barely a second before the jackal and porcupine panicked and opened fire, peppering their woolly partner with a dozen pieces of lead. As the ram twitched and spasmed with each bullet strike, Nick smoothly slid his right paw down to the ram's gun belt and withdrew the ram's own revolver, firing off two rounds straight at his attackers.

 ** _BANG! BANG!_**

The two rounds hit home, killing the jackal and porcupine instantly. The gunsmoke was still clearing when Nick allowed the sputtering ram to fall to the ground in a bloody heap before walking over to the lone chihuahua. Who was cowering in a small grass weed bush after fleeing the moment the shooting began.

"Mind giving me my hat?" Nick asked without emotion, sticking out his left paw expectantly.

The twitching chihuahua looked left and right frantically before finding the fox's tan sun hat and offering it back with a shaking paw. Nick graciously took the item back and plopped it back on his ears, adjusting the brim just so it was out of his line of sight.

"Thank you...* _hic!*..."_ he mumbled before taking aim.

 ** _BANG!_**

The now faceless chihuahua fell backward dead onto the dusty ground, the sound of the gunshot becoming faint on the passing wind. With a sigh, Nick threw his head back and stared aimlessly at the stars above.

Directly ahead was a lone star, one that was twinkling with an almost metallic, green shimmer. No matter where he was in the land, nor when the time of year it was, he could always find that star, and the empty feeling it created.

Staring at the star for a few more moments before sniffing in disgust, Nick began to empty the would be muggers of their loot. Guns, scraps of food, and a little bit of change was all he managed to find on the low life's. The ram's revolver was old and crusty with dried sand. It was a miracle it even fired at all. Perhaps it'd be worth something at the gunsmith in town...

"Wilde!"

Nick's eyes turned to see a large figure gliding toward him through the dark. Thanks to his inherent vulpine night vision, Nick was able to tell the identity of the newcomer before they could even see him. He smiled pleasantly as he recognized the shape of partner…and occasional warden under certain circumstances….

Corporal Delgato.

"Wilde! What the hell are you doing back here?!" the large burly golden furred lion shouted, clutching his favorite Henry repeating rifle in his grasp.

Nick threw his arms wide to greet the lion."Heeeey! Deeeeell graaa-tooeeee! Where you been buddy?" Nick said slurring.

"Looking for your pathetic red ass, was that gunfire I heard?" the lion groused.

"Yeppity yeppers!" Nick replied playfully, giving his partner a mock salute. "Just trying to keep the old hand in."

Delgato groaned and dragged a paw slowly down his face. Sliding his rifle into the holster on his back, the lion drew closer to the swaying fox, eyes flashing in annoyance.

"I turn my back on you for two god damn minutes to find you drunk as a skunk..."

"That's specieist ...*hic!*..." Nick tried to argue, but failed miserably as he began to turn green again.

"…and firing off guns into the night like a mad mam..!"

The lion's rant was cut off when his bottom paw stepped on something squishy and warm. He looked down and nearly jolted out of his fur when he realized his paw was resting on top of the bloody carcass of the ram.

"What in the name of..." Delgato began.

"You'll have to excuse my friends here...there a bit... _late_...*urp*... Oh I'm gonna be sick..." Nick moaned.

"What happened?!"

"Just a friendly little squabble between bar patrons..."

Delgato growled dangerously and flashed his teeth at the unimpressed fox. "And you just killed four mammals?! The hell is the matter with you?!" the lion roared.

"I doubt they'll be missed much…"

Nick lazily pointed the revolver at the ram. "That's Bart "Bones" Grazelton. Wanted for accounts of murder, smuggling, and for being one lousy gambler."

He then pointed at the jackal and porcupine. "Rob Canidson and Pat Hilpine, both wanted for stage coach robbery, vandalism, and chronic public indecency."

Then finally, he gestured to the faceless chihuahua. "And shorty there, bit of a new guy. Only wanted for serial pickpocketing. Go into the sheriff's office down the street and you'll find their faces posted on the wanted board. First thing I saw when we rolled into town."

Delgato's face fell as the situation became clearer by the second.

"Short answer? I believe I just made eight hundred zollars for the pack of them." Nick said smugly, before suddenly grabbing his muzzle in sickness.

"We're not bounty hunters you _ass,_ " Delgato huffed at the seasick fox.

"Not _this_ week we aren't..." Nick murmured weakly.

The large lion grouchily stepped forward and picked up the fox by the scruff of his neck till the two mammals were eye level, only to scrunch his nose in disgust when he caught a whiff of the fox's odor.

"You're filthy Wilde."

"And you're...* _Uurp_!*...sexy when you're cross..." Nick replied with a burp.

Delagto rolled his eyes, unmoved by the fox's blatant drunkeness. Nick's often tasteless humor was universally known amongst the Razorback ranks. To engage in a verbal duel with the silver-tongued devil was a fool's errand to consider, especially when he was plastered.

"I do not envy you in the morning..." Delgato huffed in annoyance as he draped the red fox over his left shoulder and started to head back to the hotel.

"Easy Simba, stomach is a little...* _urp!_ *... _raw_ right now..." Nick groaned.

"Vomit on me, and I'll skin you alive." Delgato said simply.

Nick could only chuckle a little before biting back another spout of rising bile. The soft swaying motion of the lion's walking did no favors for his innards.

"Hey wait a sec, I can't leave my catch of the day behind..." he said.

"I'll be back for them once I've chained you to your bed" Delgato replied.

"Naughty naughty kitty...AAH!"

Delgato rolled his left shoulder to "adjust" Nick's position, causing his shoulder to rub against the spot where the ram had kicked Nick in the ribs. This seemed to do the trick as the fox fell silent for the rest of the way back inside. As they ascended the staircase to the upper levels of the Glitsen Tail Hotel, Delgato finally broke the silence.

"Nick, what's up with the crummy hat?" Delgato asked.

Nick only smiled.


End file.
